May I have your First Name Sir?

Staring at the stack of print-outs of details of 50 rental properties, I worked out a strategy to get through the pre-screening process as quickly as possible. I wanted a 6 month lease, 2 bedroom, in a months time, washer-dryer in-house, etc etc. My sequence of questioning was designed to first put forth those criteria that were least likely to be met. So the plan was - "Hi, can you do a 6 month lease on your 2 bedrooms?". If yes, "Do they have washer-dryers in-house?". If yes, "Any available in September?". Having met all these conditions, we could talk about the gloss. If any fails, I would crush the paper into a ball, and execute a perfect basket into the bin at the far corner of room. Ah, this way I could be done pretty soon, right? Property 1 - Agent: "Hi this Ehsooos (Jesus) at ButtMunch Breeze Residences , can I find out where you heard of us?" Me: "Err..... sure, apartments.com" Agent: "Excellent, and can I get your Last Name please" Me: "Err...I'd like to know..." Agent: "Can I get your last Name please" Me: "Fine. Tandon" Agent: "Done Done?" Me: "No, Tandon.... with a 'T.... T A N D O N'" Agent: "DANDON? " Me: "No no .. Tango Alpha Nancy Delta Oscar Nancy" Agent: *Long Pause*......... Alright sir, now can I get your first Name Me: "Look, I'll get to that in a second, can I first ask you a simple question" Agent: "Can I get your first name sir". At this point I am wondering if the son of god at the other end is even comprehending what I am saying. I decide to jump right into the questioning. Me: "Do you do 6 month leases on your 2 bedrooms?" Agent: "Can I get your first name sir" Me: (*GODAMAN MF&%*$* SON OF A #@#$*) "How does it matter? Answer the question" Agent: "Yes, but can I get your first name sir". Me: "OH GOD".... Click..... He hangs up. I'm staring at the phone wondering what Jesus' parents were thinking when they named him. Surely they could see ungodly signs as he grew older. Surely they knew that they had to change his name. But being me, I'm not done with this guy. I call right back. He picks up again. Agent: "Hi this Ehsooos at ButtMunch Breeze Residences , can I find out where you heard of us?" Me: "Tv show - Cops". We obviously recognize each others voices, but neither of us show it. Agent: "Umm... ok, and can I get your Last Name please" Me: "Sure, Christ." Agent: "Christ?" Me: "Yes... C H R I S T. You want the phonetics?" Agent: "Can I get your first Name?" Me: "Ehsoos. Its spelt J E S U S". Agent: *SILENT* Me: "Hllo?" Agent: "Sir, I need your real name" Me: "And I need your supervisor" Agent: "Sir, he will ask you the same thing" Me: "Then I will give him the same answer. It's my name and I'm proud of it, silent J and all". Agent: "Ok hold on" Supervisor: "Yes sir, what can I help you with" (Aah, finally someone who might give an answer to my questions) Me: "Yes, I am looking for a 2 bedroom for a 6 month lease. I just want to know if you have any and if yes I can give you my name, address, height, weight... whatever". Supervisor: Sure, can I have your phone number please. AAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH Me : "Sigh ...... XXX-XXX-XXXX" Supervisor: "Let me get someone who can help you." Agent 2: "Yes sir, may I help you" Me : (for the umpteenth time) "Yes, I'm looking for a 2 bedroom for a 6 month lease." Agent 2: "Sorry sir, we don't do 6 month leases, but we could do a 10 month if you'd like. Shall I set up an appointment for you to come take a look?" This is one of those times I wish I didn't have to cancel a call using a puny little button. I wish I had one of those old cradle type phones just to do justice to this call by banging that sucker down. Oh well.... maybe I will have better luck with the others. Maybe I can be John Smith or Chris Roberts....